The VMAs: Just go home

October 11, 2022

I love fashion and I love sitting behind a screen in my middle class domicile and telling people that their $3,000 dress sucks, so I’m going to review the 2022 VMA outfits. 


Since everyone is raving about Taylor Swift announcing her new album, I’ll start off with this icon and tell you all about how fugly her dress is. This dress looks like when you open a jewelry box you haven’t touched in a year and every necklace you’ve ever formed is irreversibly tangled together to form one giant super chain. Aside from the fact that I already hate when dresses have flesh colored mesh underneath, this one looks particularly tacky. If you told me that this dress was bought from an overpriced 2012 H&M, I would believe you. And I don’t mean a cute way either. Buying your VMA dress from a mall is only cute when Lana Del Rey does it. On the other hand, I’m glad that Taylor is finally releasing some actual new music, although I’m not sure how good it’s gonna turn out considering she’s been in a stable relationship for way too long. 


At first I wasn’t sure about Lizzo’s look but it’s actually grown on me quite a bit. She gives off the vibes of Victorian bed sheets that were burned by the commoners and then dumped with water during some sort of revolution or something. All genius comparisons aside, I love the black and blue color scheme and the matching lipstick. The gloves are super elegant and gorgeous, and in the best way possible she looks like the kind of person who can do a really aggressive flute solo in the middle of their rap verse. 


I can’t say that I love this look since it probably took up 4 chairs, but Lil Nas X’s outfit fits his personality SO well. It’s like an emo peacock with a six pack, which basically describes him perfectly. I usually love an all black look, but when it comes to Sofia Carson she really overuses them. That being said, I did like her look this time around. It’s like a recently widowed woman trying to pay her respects, but she’s also a stripper and can’t give up the expectations of her career. Still slightly boring and I wish just once she would give us something more than a basic black dress, but still cute.


I don’t even know who Chloe Fineman is so please excuse me if this is like part of her persona or something but I honestly can come up with no excuse for what she was thinking when she chose this nightmare fuel of an outfit. It looks like a sofa that would be in a futuristic movie that was made in the 80’s. And not in a cute way. She obviously seems to be such a lovely girl but good looks and money has never bought anyone taste. I feel like the one place this outfit would have been appropriate for was the “Camp” themed met gala of 2019, and even then I would probably just think it was straight up ugly.


I was so disappointed with Sabrina Carpenter’s look. This girl was my fashion icon as a child. All the outfits she wore in her old music videos were so iconic. Now I feel like her style is just boring and something you’d easily look over, just like her career nowadays. I feel like she’s lost her pizazz and personal style and I’m pretty sure it happened when she signed the Tall Girl contract. As for Conan Gray, I like this look, but it’s not that interesting and I feel like he definitely could have done better. It almost has a very sci-fi feel to it, which I really like, but the lack of color is a bit boring. And I could be wrong because I don’t listen to Conan Gray and I don’t really know him, but he kind of looks like hates life and he hates everyone in that building and I feel like he should go home and take a nap.

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