We broke a record last year. Not me. I could have never done that alone.

We did it as a team. All four of us. Long gone was the 4×400 meter relay record that had stood since 2018. I can still remember the feeling of the metal baton clutched tight in my palm. Or how my throat ached and burned from cheering on my teammates as they ran their leg of the race.

But most importantly, I can never forget how once we finished, we encircled one another in a tight hug. All season we had suffered through tough workouts and mental setbacks, but together we persevered. And that’s when I realized that those girls were more than just my teammates. They were my sisters.

But nobody can prepare you for when they have to pack their bags and move off to college. Or when they leave you behind with shoes that seem impossible to fill. And no one could have warned me of the emptiness that consumes me as this year’s track season looms ahead.

This season isn’t going to be the same, and I know that. It’s going to be a lot different. I just wish they were here to guide me like they have in the past. And I wish I was more like them.

Determined like Julia. The first time I saw her run was in middle school, and she had the same fire in her eyes as she does now. I long for others to see that spark in me.

Or strong like Ella. She could always do anything. And she was the sole reason I never gave up on the whole ‘middle-distance’ aspect of track. I hope someone thinks of me as strong.

Now that they are long gone and have begun new chapters in their lives, I just wish someone sees them in me. I wish I could guide underclassmen in the same way that they have for me.

Being there when I needed them the most. When I’m sobbing after a bad race or having one of my many panic attacks. But no matter what, I could always depend on them. They would always be there for me.

But in the end, I want to be like them because it’s the only pieces and fragments of them I have left.