When I first saw Knives Out in theaters in 2019, I knew right away it was gonna be one of my favorite movies ever. At that point in my life it was probably the most visually pleasing movie I’d ever seen, plus it was so refreshing seeing Chris Evans thrive outside of Marvel’s spandex shackles. His character, Ransom, showed 10x more personality in that hour and a half than Captain America could ever hope to show in all his movies combined. And when I found out that there was a sequel, I was so excited. While I was a little scared it wouldn’t live up to the original, I had high hopes due to the promising cast and seeing that it had the same director and composer as the first film. I was also relieved to see that it surrounded a completely different set of characters (except for Daniel Craig of course), because while making a sequel to a great stand alone film is risky, completely destroying the happy ending the first movie left off on by creating a new conflict among the same characters just to ensure a guaranteed audience is something that makes me wish hollywood would be overcome with a new rat plague. Fortunately the long awaited sequel was stroke inducingly good and I almost passed out and threw up (in a good way).

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, directed by Rian Johnson, was released November 23, 2022. The film stars Daniel Craig, Edward Norton, Kate Hudson, Kathryn Hudson, Janelle Monae, Madelyn Cline, Leslie Odom Jr, Dave Bautista, and Jessica Henwick. This movie was so impressive in every way I honestly don’t know where to start. The humor, the setting, the plot twists, the acting, the wardrobe, the soundtrack, the advertising; all of it combined at once was almost too much to bear. I was in a state of panic and amazement the whole time. The overstimulation that the movie theater provided caused me to choke on my own laughter at every bit. This movie turned out to be such an amazing satirical portrayal of modern celebrities and simply how fake they all are.

Whoever chose the cast for this movie is proof that God exists, because they are an angel sent from the heavens. I truly felt like everyone was just playing themselves in this movie and all these middle aged actors finally got their chance to be publicly problematic without consequence. Every character is my favorite character in this movie which is very rare for me since my main hobby is bashing everything.

Daniel Craig as Benoit Blanc is my favorite southern dandy ever and he’s literally british. They don’t have dental planes but maybe the Brits were onto something when they started bashing us on our acting skills because if a Brit can play a SOUTHERNER better than we can then I don’t even know how to defend us as a nation anymore. I don’t know who decided on what he wears in this movie and I don’t feel like looking it up but whoever they are I love them. That two piece bathing suit number was better than anything Gucci could desperately scrounge up and as much as I love the winter wardrobe from the first Knives Out, the color palettes and clothing designs portrayed every character’s personality SO WELL.  

Edward Norton as Miles Bron is probably one of my favorite narcissistic billionaire characters ever. His random made up lines that sound deep but actually mean nothing were more influential to me than Shakespeare. The fact that he had no shoes on half the movie and is wearing stupid million dollar t-shirts the other half says everything you need to know about this character. The amount of stupid-rich CEO stereotypes he fulfills is such an obvious drag at the lunatics/”geniuses” trying to run the world such as Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg (except Edward Norton is hot).

Kate Hudson as Birdie Jay changed me as a person. Her outfits were phenomenal. Her attitude was unforgettable. She is every middle aged washed up problematic influencer rolled into one character and every minute of her screentime is permanently etched into my brain. The only other Kate Hudson movie I’ve ever seen is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days which is obviously one of the worst rom coms I’ve ever seen. However, after this brain altering experience, I believe she should have won an Oscar for that movie.

As for the rest of the characters, I honestly loved them just as much and would probably write more about them if I had the motivation. Janelle Monae as Andi Brand had the coolest outfits and made a disgraceful sin of a haircut look like a cool fashion statement. Madelyn Cline as Whiskey was honestly such an inspiring character to me and it will forever make me look at Outer Banks in a different light.

Even though this movie is not a flattering light for rich celebrities, it honestly just made me want to be one of them more because look how much fun they have even when people are getting murdered. What fun!