Debate Delivers No New Policy Information Before Election


In the beginning, I thought this election was a joke. I really did. But then ‘April Fool’s Day’ happened and the smallest chance of hope I had disappeared.


The last presidential debate helped that hope enter territory well below 0%.


Okay, so it started out civil. Nobody will remember that, but it did.


They talked policy. POLICY. Actual important things, like abortion and healthcare rights. Roe v. Wade was explicitly discussed as well as the funding of Planned Parenthood was discussed. Spoiler alert: Clinton is pro-choice, Trump is pro-life. Shocking, I know.


But this civility only lasted for about 10 minutes.


It was all downhill from there, like watching a car crash from the sidewalk.


For those who missed it, here are the highlights:


  • After being interrupted by Trump, the moderator — Chris Wallace — clarified that he is “not a potted plant.”
  • Apparently, not only is the election rigged, Trump said that he believed the Emmys to be rigged, too. It’s the only possible explanation for The Apprentice never winning, even though it was nominated eight times.
  • We got nowhere with tax policy. They both just repeated the same thing they’ve been saying for months.
  • Trump clarified that he isn’t best friends with Russia’s president Vladimir Putin.
  • Apparently, Trump and Clinton are more puppet-like than the entire cast of the Muppets is.
  • Clinton seemingly only owns pant suits.
  • Trump hammered Clinton on her email scandal. Again. With new information thanks to Wikileaks (gotta love Wikileaks).


None of these highlights have anything to do with America’s future as a country, nor does it have anything to do with what each candidate will do as president, except for those 10 minutes about abortion and healthcare rights.


And I’m sorry for that: If you came here for a summary of the debate, or to see what each candidate said on each issue, you came to the wrong place, because not much was said that would determine who would be a better commander in chief.


Or maybe you signed up for the wrong election, because there’s next to nothing I can give you from the debate besides that.


So, in the end, nobody died. The car just needs to go to the shop to get fixed. In 15 days.


The election is in 15 days. I don’t think any car that has sustained this much damage can be fixed in 15 days.


See you on the other side.