The Oscars 2023: completely wasted potential


The Oscars are my Super Bowl. It is the most important day of the year. One of the most vivid and influential memories I have is sitting on my bed last year with my jaw on the floor watching my TV go silent as Will Smith walked on stage, winding up his arm, while Chris Rock’s teeth were chattering through his nervous smile. Even before A listers really started to spice things up, I’ve always cared about the Oscars more than the average person should. So obviously, I’m going to predict (share my biased opinions) on which nominees should take home the little golden man that in the grand scheme of things means absolutely nothing.


Actor In a Leading Role

The nominees for this Oscar are Austin Butler “Elvis,” Colin Farrell “The Banshees of Inisherin,” Paul Mescal “Aftersun,” and Bill Nighy Living”. Sue me but I think Austin Butler should get this. Could he be forcing the voice a little bit? Maybe. Did he possibly hex Lisa-Marie Presley by bringing her to the Golden Globes two days before she died? Probably not, but it would make a cool headline. But is he extremely talented? Of course he is. I think he deserves it and let’s be honest he’ll probably win it anyways because no one even knows any of the other movies that were listed.


Actress In a Leading Role

For the actress in a leading role, this year’s nominees are Cate Blanchett “Tar,” Ana de Armas “Blonde,” Andrea Riseborough “To Leslie,” Michelle Williams “The Fablemans,” and Michelle Yeoh “Everything Everywhere All at Once”. Some of these nominees are, at least to me, very controversial. The very last thing Cate Blanchett needs is another award for playing a scary blonde lady with the most exaggerated British accent I’ve ever heard. I love Ana de Armas but no one liked “Blonde”. Andrea Riseborough glitched her way into the Oscars and everyone knows it. There’s a 99 percent chance she won’t win anyways because no one cares about her, but she totally robbed the opportunity from a few other women that could have actually won. Michelle Williams and Michelle Yeoh are definitely deserving though. My prediction is that Michelle Yeoh probably has this one in the bag. Everyone I know who saw the movie loved it and her. “The Fablemans” might be good, but it’s nothing compared to Michelle Yeoh with hot dog fingers and googly eyes.


Animated Feature Film

The nominees for animated feature film this year were Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio”, “Marcel The Shell with Shoes On,” “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish,” “The Sea Beast,” and “Turning Red”. First of all, if “Turning Red” wins, I will die on the spot. Other than that, I think these are all good candidates. My hope is that “Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio” takes home the trophy. “Puss In Boots” was good and all, but if a spin off of “Shrek” ends up winning an Oscar, I’ll have really seen everything. I wasn’t expecting to love “Pinocchio” as much as I did, but it turns out a slightly dark and mildly terrifying adaptation of a fairy tale about a living wooden doll makes a lot more sense than a happy-go-lucky one.


All I have to say about the cinematography nominees is that “The Batman” was ruthlessly robbed and shown no mercy. Sorry Paul Dano, there is no justice in this category.


Costume Design

The candidates for best costume design this year are “Babylon,, “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” “Elvis,” “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” and “Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris”. I think these are all pretty fair candidates,except for maybe “Everything Everywhere All at Once”. Sure the costumes were good, but I think the costumes in the other nominees were a lot more extravagant and oscar worthy.


Makeup and Hairstyling

I’m really only covering this category because I think “The Batman” should have been nominated and should have won every single Oscar this year, but since this category was one of the few it was nominated for, I’m praying it wins. It is honestly so baffling that it wasn’t at least nominated for cinematography and original score. In my opinion, “The Batman” was hands down the most impressive movie this year, and it deserved so much better.