Going into The Emoji Movie, I thought that perhaps the worst that could happen was some Bee-Movie-level badness. Oh, what a fool I was. Sure, all the A-list actors that got roped into this did the best they could with what they were given, and the animated scenery was better than I thought anyone would try to make for a project like this. Some jokes actually hit their mark. But mathematically, whoever wrote this had to not make a mistake at some point. And, sure, it has nice colors and fluid, passable animation for kids to look at.

The message, however, is insultingly overused to the point that the script is not beating a dead horse, but has excavated a mummified horse corpse and kicked it across the ground. You’re also teaching anyone that would ever have an interest in film that this offensive amount of recycled plot devices and absence of any sensical character development is acceptable.  If  you’re the very least bit cynical, you’re going to leave this movie a nihilist. You’re going to have a visceral, deep-rooted hatred for everything that birthed this…thing: the cash-grabbing nature of mainstream modern Hollywood, out-of-touch corporate executives, the commercialization of pop culture, and the hand-holding the film industry and company advertising are increasingly doing. Hope you like Dropbox, because it’s needed for the climax. Hope you like Candy Crush and Just Dance, because there’s five minutes of the protagonists bumbling through those apps (I timed it).

Sure, it’s nice to see a movie use products that are real, so it makes whatever immersion there is in this Hurricane Andrew of a film better. But, it comes to a point where it’s painfully, disgustingly obvious those scenes aren’t necessary, just elaborate advertisements. In the end, do you really expect me to be nice to a movie that shows “Pen Pineapple Apple Pen” in an open Youtube app unironically? No, no you don’t. Go let your kids watch literally anything kid-friendly on Netflix. You? You go watch Wonder Woman, or Dunkirk, or Detroit, or even The Nut Job 2. Save yourself.